You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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