just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
