Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
