i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
