I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Blow job season was short but glorious.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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