I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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