Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
