Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
