I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
