is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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