When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
