Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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