dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize