ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
