yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
