He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
