she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
