You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
