I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
