Whod you bang
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
two words...techno handjob
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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