I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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