he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize