Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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