You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize