youre lurking in front of me
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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