Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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