i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
