That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
