Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Randomize
