just come out here and I will go home with you...
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
