i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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