You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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