God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
