The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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