I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Hippo gnu deer
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
