On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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