She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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