id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize