you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
