I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
