did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
