she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
