I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
as a side note pls kill me
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
