id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he shaved USA in his pubs
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
