never play flip cup with pint glasses
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
