A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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