Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
