I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
