and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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