i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
