I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
