genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
