I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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