I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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