drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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