You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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