Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
