neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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