We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
