You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize