You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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