She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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