apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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