the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
