In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
