Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
