textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
