The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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