I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
