In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
