Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
