come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
